There’s an app for that: online resources for mental well-being and support

One of the questions I’m freqbooks-484766_1280uently asked by our young clients and their parents is, “What other resources are out there for [insert their concern here]?” I chuckle at how obvious a topic this can be, especially for our blog, but seeking out other resources can be helpful.

First and foremost: if you have any psychological concerns, of course seek out a mental health professional. If you are looking for social skills coaching, Aspiring Youth is a great resource.

What exists as easy-to-access, supplementary resources for adolescents, young adults and their parents? There are many, but let’s take a look at a few I like and, in some cases, personally use.

How to ADHD

Jessica McCabe is a Los Angeles actress who, as an adult, received a diagnosis of 23280349432_a86bbcdc28_zADHD. She researched what that means, the likely effects on her life and how to overcome it, resulting in her very engaging YouTube series: How to ADHD. She is not a clinician, nevertheless her insights are well-informed. This includes tips for living with and overcoming some of the challenges of ADHD and other diagnoses.

Autism sensory simulators

Many who have a diagnosis on the autism spectrum experience sensations very idiosyncratically: some are sensitive to touch, some to lights or sounds and, for others, smell is overwhelming. For those with more neurotypical development, these challenges are difficult to imagine. Thankfully, some wonderful online simulations can illustrate these experiences, often created by someone with an autism spectrum diagnosis. Mashable collected five great representations of these.

Apps for to-do lists

For some (and I’m squarely in this camp), doing routine tasks is a serious challenge. “I’ll do it later,” really translates to, “I fully intend on doing it, and I’ll do it when – oh! I love this song! Did you know that the composer was inspired by – wait. What was I saying?”

Different apps exist for making tasks more enjoyable, or at least memorable. Habitica (my favorite) truly gamifies to-do lists and daily tasks. In this role playing game (RPG), your character gains experience points and levels for completing tasks and takes damage for tasks left unfinished. With group challenges, quests, and bosses – plus an extremely supportive forum community– Habitica provides an opportunity for me to monitor my lists and check off items as I complete them. Oh, and it’s also free to play!

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a big deal in the psychology world. My colleagues and I use it within a variety of situations.  I checked out Headspace, and the feedback I’ve received from clients has been overwhelmingly positive. The program gently guides you in different mindfulness modules, all in 10-minute portions. While it’s a paid app (with a free trial), I think it’s worth it.

Datingrelationship-1261216_1280

I have written about this topic previously because it is so important and comes up often with adolescents and young adults.  Advice on the internet ranges from laughable to outright scary and misogynistic. I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: don’t visit websites by people in the pickup artist (PUA) or seduction community. Their advice often relies on negating consent or assuming that one person is owed affection and/or a date, and your curious visit nabs them more site traffic and subsequent income.

My favorite resource in the dating domain is Dr. NerdLove, as he provides straightforward advice recognizing that girlfriends/boyfriends are not titles or prizes, but actual people with different needs and autonomy. Geek’s Dream Girl­ is another resource that offers solid, concrete advice from a woman’s perspective. While it’s no longer updated (though there are hints at its impending resurrection), the info is still there and accessible.

Hopefully, these suggestions give you a start. As I said, there are many resources out there that can be used in conjunction with social skills coaching.

What are your favorites? Feel free to comment below with your suggestions for online resources.


R BoccamazzoR. Boccamazzo, PsyD, LMHCA

Dr. Boccamazzo is a doctor of clinical psychology and social skills coach with Aspiring Youth. In addition, he is the clinical director of TakeThis.org, a national nonprofit focused on mental health and the gamer community, runs a private psychology practice in Bellevue offering individual therapy and psychological assessment to adolescents and adults, and provides parent and clinician trainings on technology in psychology. Much of his work focuses on high functioning autism, problematic technology usage, social anxiety, trauma and games. In his spare time, he enjoys acting, cooking, board games and video games.

Achievement unlocked: relationship

With a lot of the teenage guys with whom I work, dating is a serious goal and a serious headache. Most of them have a lot of misperceptions about what it takes to—in their words–“get a girlfriend.” There are many misperceptions about this process—and it is a process…an ongoing one. My hope is that teenagers (and parents) walk away with a few tips on how to approach dating—whether it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend being sought.

It’s a process, not a destination

joystick-1216816_1280The most common misconception that I encounter seems to be the idea that a girlfriend/boyfriend is a prize awarded, as if one were playing a video game and finding this elusive, magical unicorn called “girlfriend” somehow gives one enough experience points to attain a new social level (this is a gamer thing—ask your kids).

You can hear this in how the guys with whom I work talk and strategize: “How do I get a girlfriend if I like Dungeons & Dragons?” or, “Do girls like guys who are smart or dumb?” and even, “Should I have six pack abs? Will that work?”

Additionally, we often talk about how much work it is to maintain a romantic relationship. This is difficult as teens often don’t think further than “Girlfriend Achievement: Unlocked,” and when they do talk about it, it’s often about what they can do to keep a girlfriend: “I can buy her gifts,” or, “I will need to take her on a lot of dates, right?”

The problem assumptions

There are a few problems with the above mentality:

  • It assumes that people are not independent, but machines where one may press certain buttons or pull certain levers to achieve a desired outcome.

  • It assumes there are universal answers to what people find attractive. Yes, there are certain things that people tend to find attractive (confidence and authenticity often being two biggies)—but it varies from person to person.

  • It assumes that the teen, as a pursuer, is somehow owed a relationship if they do all the right things.

These are problematic—especially when the last assumption is violated. The guys can become creepy or occasionally scary that their advances were denied. To make things more difficult, dating today has less overt rules (such as not using titles like “boyfriend/girlfriend” or “relationship”), which can be antithetical to the rigid way teens who need help with social skills think.

What can be done?

relationship-1261216_1280First, I teach my social skills clients that they need to change how they think, starting with the following rules:

  • A girlfriend is not an achievement. She is a person with the same independence, rights and feelings as you.

  • She doesn’t owe you anything—even if you’re being nice to her. (Additionally, if you’re being “nice” to only get something, that really isn’t very nice.)

  • Developing a relationship is not that different than making a normal, platonic friendship. You need to get to know the other person buy engaging in small talk and responding to their verbal and nonverbal cues. You need to learn about common interests so that the relationship can deepen.

  • Despite what some websites tell you, there is no one formula of behavior to “get a girlfriend” because every person is different.

  • You have to learn to fail and get rejected (and coping with rejection is a learned skill) in order to develop a socializing style that is authentic for you.

  • You need to learn to enjoy the process of getting to know people.

  • Be willing to walk away from the relationship if you don’t have things in common.

These rules add up to one thing: flexibly enjoying the process of getting to know someone.

Ideally, it should be like a good video game. Your focus should be about the person and the process, not just the end result or achievement. You should enjoy the journey of getting there—if the ending is good, that’s wonderful!

What else is out there?

If you are looking for other resources, or if you have concerns about your (or your child’s) dating skills or approach, I recommend the Aspiring Youth individual social skills coaches. This is a great topic to discuss with us, and one we enjoy helping our teenage and young adult clients with.

Other than that, I tend to recommend author Harris O’Malley, better known by his screen name Dr. NerdLove. Aside from his brilliant blog, he has books on dating, including:

What I definitely don’t recommend are any websites or books written by those in the “pickup artist” (PUA) community. Don’t even look at PUA websites (visiting gives them web traffic and, consequentially, income)—they tend to objectify and dehumanize women to a frightening degree, and that’s no way to learn about and enjoy the process of building relationships.


R BoccamazzoR. Boccamazzo, PsyD, LMHCA

Dr. Boccamazzo is a doctor of clinical psychology and social skills coach with Aspiring Youth. In addition, he is the clinical director of TakeThis.org, a national nonprofit focused on mental health and the gamer community, runs a private psychology practice in Bellevue offering individual therapy and psychological assessment to adolescents and adults, and provides parent and clinician trainings on technology in psychology. Much of his work focuses on high functioning autism, problematic technology usage, social anxiety, trauma and games. In his spare time, he enjoys acting, cooking, board games and video games.